Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened. – Billy Graham

As we grow older into our years.. there are lots of events that we as humans tend to go through.  Every event does a take away or adds a little to make you into a better you or a worse you.

My objective has been always to live with intention and not out of habit and everytime, I come across events in my life… the first thought before any action I undertake is consciously examine the intention…

So cancer has been kind of a common friend the past few years where I have lost may souls and sometimes, I just shunned the whole process of pain which my friends went through it. Even when they discussed with me, the focus for me was to ease them out of their state and have them focus on something light other than the whole process…

As my roommate went from one step to the next, my heart would beat faster and faster till I wanted to shut down the whole thing and I knew she was slipping away and yet… I held on …. for some fragments of the gross body I knew of her… till I lost her completely…. it was exhausting, went on a fine guilt trip after that… for not being more kinder… or more understanding… .sigh…

And slowly the counts of cancer increased in the space of friends and relatives I knew… and I intended that I will have to be just there…. for the ones that wanted me… it was a learning phase… some lived, some passed on.. I desperately held on to compassion through joy and tears…

And just when I thought I was getting there… I had another close friend go through a very advanced stage and this time the lesson was staring me at my face…  everything that I was telling myself.. went for a toss.. and I started the whole process of anger… ( knowing that there was no reason and yet… ) Denial… being fatalistic… and even rebellion… life not just being fair and all that … feeling of helplessness, a strange chaos growing inside me… and I can only express in copious tears… which just does not end… how long.. and what is the intention I need to keep to face this again… coz compassion was not helping me… this time…

But I must tell you, my courageous and very strong friend taught me new lessons of resilience, strength, and quiet courage… and how we can flow continuously despite the obstacles… and I took courage from her… everytime now I think of anything… impossible,  this soul lights the way.. in her own way…

Sometimes, one thinks one has cracked it and when we feel comfortable.. BANG comes something to test all that we think that we have learnt and “know”

Wanted to put this down as a reminder… to myself that courage enhances wisdom.

From standing far, I stand with bowed head, admiring the courage of the souls who are going through similar process of living and coming out a winner… and raring to live joyfully despite all… and I pray that I have that courage to continue… to live…

When my will fades, its from these souls, I take the strength to move on and go forth…

Again, putting this down as part of my thoughts…my steps to live.. the days when there are no steps…

And my friend continues to fight… bravely…. and is recovering so fast and so well that I can only dance with thanks and joy for this blessing… prayers for the continuance of strength, courage, life and joy…

And as I hear of another friend just in the beginning of the battle… I stand still and imbibe a lot of courage from inside thanks to that beautiful soul… who taught me to swim through the tough waters through her own experience…. I just send her warmth and loads of love and prayers… that yes it will be alright… it will be alright….  Hold on.. and keep walking…

My thoughts are with you both and with all the souls who are going through similar experience…

Am always inspired by Rupi Kaur.
Many of her thoughts strike a chord… even if its with a different context
 
The fact of me being comfortable with myself…
From being the single girl child where the father would prefer a boy child… from being shunned to do many things at crucial times, because I was a girl… till I proved that I would do it despite all the rules… 🙂
 
From having to prove myself and my own existence of being a hybrid ( a byproduct of two different ethnicity). Being the only one of that kind in my father’s family, the rejection and ridicule overwhelmed the precious joy of being just myself… till one day… like Rupi says, I opened all windows and decided to live the way I wanted to live…
 
And after a long while…. after searching for questions… who I was… and where did I belong…. I did get some beautiful answers…… and yes, I also talked to the 5 year old me and the teenage me where the confusion and the bitterness was at its peak… ( as if the drama of hormones were not enough)…. that my body was my actual home…
 
And all my little selves who had been rejected by the so called validators of breed… were welcome… and we were safe in this body… in this shell that I have chosen this lifetime…
 
The last few lines again are amazing… about what is home… home is where I am, where I am at peace… where I live in joy despite gender bias, despite mis-expectations, despite everything that tries to stop the growth and cohesion of my identity which I am quite happy about…. Took me a while… but yeah…. roots redefined, roots revisited with a different perspective and it all makes so much sense… and its so natural….