Birthday Thoughts

flower_drop_reflection_by_ohman_itsme-d2z9g5tSo every birthday I tend to reflect on the last years… and like to look back with peace and wonder how I can improve my way of thinking and leading a judgement free, stress free and a more constructive way of living…

At this pinnacle, it was actually amazing to see the difference of how I perceived myself across the years.. and I think I am growing very very rich…. in experience… and the unfolding of the inner me as I walk quietly in my journey… is unbelievably beautiful…

I saw myself… fashioning my life according to society’s and people’s perception of what I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to do …. and that always made me uncomfortable… and though I molded myself in other’s expectations, leaving my own dreams far behind, pursuing the ideal Indian dream as one would expect… it was with immense relief and joy that I started charting my own path… and living my own Pallavi Dream… as I have envisaged from the very deep regions of my heart.

And I love the lessons that pushed me to pursue this …  reminded me of Maya Angelou and her talks… which so resonated within me..

From feeling like a victim, I rose through my experiences, a winner… an explorer, a creator, a passion filled soul to make the most of life the way I think is best for me… despite everything… who can tell me to stop singing if I have a song… I am singing… and I will keep composing new songs….

Oh it fills me with peace and contentment to reach this stage of my life, more so as my inner belief that I was right… in dreaming my dreams… impossible though it seemed…. and am so right in pursuing them despite discouragement and disappointments and the pain that comes with life… 🙂

The greatest lesson that comes to me… that I would like to remember this birthday is the lesson in letting go and forgiveness. From holding a certain map of “shoulds” and “musts”, last year, life handed me a bittersweet surprise of letting me look unto myself through the follies of others… what I considered a folly could very well be my own action..

And when Maya talked about forgiveness, it was like an epiphany to me..

Particularly when she said, “I forgive it. I don’t anoint it with anything. I just forgive it.”

Oprah then asked Maya Angelou when you forgive someone,  does not mean you invite them into your house after that?

To which Maya Angelou responded with conviction, “No not at all. When I forgive you, it means I am done. I am finished with you. Go away. Not go away and harm someone else. I do so because I have to protect myself.”

To which Oprah said, ” I have to be willing to take care of me first then I have enough to take care of myself first.”

I was always questioning the art of forgiveness, how can you forgive, if you are so hurt but this statement was like the answer that I believed in and it allowed to me to live without any judgement … and it kind of freed me… from my own chains of thoughts… damn powerful I might say…

And watching Maya Angelou speak thus… just felt like I was getting a gift.. which I knew I believed in, deep inside me…

I dont know if I know enough, but I know a lot ( I am grateful for that) , I know I know enough to try to live what I know.. and thats a lot. I still dont think I have it all.

Best Advice : The best advice I have ever given was to my son who asked me: I don’t have any friends, how can i get friends.

In order to get a friend, be ready to be a friend.

There is a place in you that you must keep pristine so that no body has the right to curse you, violate you, coz that place is the place where you meet your God.

Say no when its no. Because that place has to remain clean and clear and it has to be a place within yourself that nobody can invade.

When a person comes with rude language to you, you have to say “BACK OFF”

What a wonderful way to think… 🙂 keep that space within yourself pristine.. 🙂

The most beautiful gift I received was the expansion space for our venture Ankh Creations…. that was a miracle. Now I have the exact space that I dreamed of. And we are almost done with our rennovation as well.  So whether we planned it or not, expansion happened… and yes I am grateful for the opportunity and that beautiful gift.

And always blessed to be remembered in the memories of souls who have touched me with meaningful impact as I cruised along… school friends who never forget my day… even if I do… my well wishers… who remembered…  bday or no bday…. I know I am blessed to have all of you as my well wishers …. and its the same from me to you…  no matter how many miles apart we are… 🙂 and how busy we are..

and yeah to the many good souls… who asked me about ” why is this not on facebook ?”
No dear friends… it is more precious to be remembered from a memory than not… at all… than be just another click wish… 🙂 ( no offense… but thats me… )

Looking forward to another rich year… rich with the myriads of experiences which will help me go closer and closer to my purpose… of being here on this earth… and then go back to being part of all. 🙂

 

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