The past 3- 4 months, it has been the trend of getting re-acquainted with old friends. Since college, life has been happening and in the midst of it all, I seem to have lost touch with most of my good friends…  all scattered in different corners of the country or even world..

When a moment of pause occurred  during the making of life’s lemonades and other cocktails… it was with lot of fondness and nostalgia, that I went back and soaked in the memories. Missing their company, the laughter but taking solace in the remembered warmth. Moments of joy spent with friends have always strengthened me to be a better person…

There is something about the company of like minded souls… who come together and boost each other up. I  keep wishing to meet souls like this always… and when I find them I know I have received a gift.

Laughter is something I found from a very young age that breaks all barriers.. shared laughter of the good kind… of the pure joy kind… of the pure understanding kind… without words…

So thanks to the digital media I have reconnected with many of those souls who have made a positive impact in my life… and last couple of months its been a deluge … of reconnect…

School friends, college friends… and friends who just remembered me… for whatever reason..

And yes meeting them offline… has been so soul warming… even though I know its transitory.. I cherished each moment… Offline life matters… its so real… 🙂 Sharing our scars, our battle weary stories, laughing at our innocence with a sigh… the unconditional empathy… its all real and we need this to thrive..

Its difficult to find good friends after a certain age… I might be biased but I have found that.. to be true in my case… lots of suppositions, judgements and comparisons.. social elements at work… spouse, working, not working, marriage, baby, what you do, where you live, what you wear… what use you can be, how you can be used is what the souls are looking for… its very rare to find someone who bothers to ask you how YOU are… for the genuineness of wanting to connect with you… irrespective of what you have or dont have..

And I dont blame them… I just feel sad that the importance of unconditional human connections are slowly dying..

I remember back home, in the eighties and nineties, where there was no media interfering much… when people used to genuinely care for each other.. and their neighbors… yes we had them odd ones , but I know when that odd family was in trouble the whole neighbourhood would come together to help them.  I grew up like that.. as I am sure many did during that time..

If someone was alone, the neighbors would go and have a chat just to make sure he is not alone..

If that person was a recluse, neighbors would avoid him, but still keep a watchful eye.. to ensure that he was not sick or anything.. I know but they did it..

Neighbors dropped in to share good news or bad news and come together in joy or support of each other… without pulling each other down.. oh yes, we had them jealous ones, but it was avoidable…

It was common… this way of living… No Longer so….  !!!

Today, the very art of interpersonal interaction seems to have been erased. Being replaced by only the art of taking, the art of subterfuge, the art of harsh judging, the art of violence, the art of insult, the art of not living and not letting others live.. is more prevalent.. , the art of not caring, the art of sense lacking in common sense.

I accept the sad evolution… but I cannot help but compare… since I saw a different phase in our human society in the small town where I grew up… and I miss that…

In this time, when I met my old friends and when we connected, I was transported to the sheer joy of just hanging out with someone without any prejudices and just being…

It is important to have these souls around me… as it nourishes me… it rejuvenates me, it gives me hope, and it gives me a sense of belonging in its own unique way…

Friendship though a very simple aspect, for me, its very impactful and this post is dedicated to all my good friends… who have been responsible for wanting to keep on thriving… rather than just surviving…

just at the point, when I was losing the whole faith in simple friendship, the universe sent the beautiful souls to me reminding me of the fact that if you seek, that uniqueness is always there…  its always good to know that its there… and people are there… goodness exists without condition.. 🙂 and I love the gentle nudges of their faith in me… makes my faith in myself become stronger…  ( not that I am dependent but I always feel nice to be part of a warm circle of acceptance… who does not ?? 🙂 )

I am grateful…. thats all…

 

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Everyday life…

Its what we try and live every moment, sometimes in a routine, sometimes with awareness, sometimes with rebellion, sometimes with courage and sometimes with a desperate wish to do more and more… to live more and more the only way one knows how… right or wrong… it does not matter how…

Having reached a considerable age in human years and hopefully in soul years, I have not been untouched by death, the most impactful was that of my mother’s and I am still getting over it… there is no saying how long that “time” takes to heal.. one never does in a way…

Living and losing is a part of life’s game and yet… it makes for so much pain. I guess I would not be human if I would not feel it again and again. The pain is in a way reminding me that I am still human…

Among the multitudes of souls that pass by some souls just touch you deep in your subconsciousness, just by being themselves this was one such person.

Rituraj Choudhury or Raj as he was called… came into my life as this crazy friend a year after mom died. It was the 31st of Dec and I pushed myself to get back to normal life for the first time, going to a friend’s house. It was his birthday and well I was born on a 31st too…(what a coincidence, I thought.. tough numbers, tough destiny..)

We talked cars, we danced to the night, we celebrated his birthday cooking and drinking generally doing things what people do… It was my first step towards getting back to normal life..

And somehow he became a very dear friend. Describing him would be very difficult as he had all the great things that made him a wonderful soul and all the not so great things which made him so human… I think I am the only person who knew him for such a short time. All the rest seem to have known him forever… And yet, it seemed like a long time. He had loads of friends from all walks of life. And he was generous with everyone to a fault. Everyone.

Then he became severely ill which he just refused to admit to himself until it was too late,  and took us through the agonising moments of his death. The many procedures his body had to go through, the clutching at straws knowing this is a point of no return and just rueing the fact that it is such a waste… but then maybe he did what he had to do… with his life..made his choices …. so there…

It has been 3 days and I am still trying to control the flow of tears out of nowhere as I sit and do my work.

I know it is life. I know the soul lives on forever, and I will meet him again and again… if its so willed..

I know that we don’t die… only change our bodies… and roles…

And yet, this role of mine which knew him as a friend in this lifetime is so pained at the loss…. cannot comprehend why… I am just trying to get through… maybe because its so sudden, maybe because it was such a close encounter…  I dont know… So here I write… I get through better when I write… And I affirm the following…

wake-of-loss-affirmation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to thank him for so many things..  Little things which we take for granted… in the wake of racing with the world..

1378709_10151618127742890_823384916_nI would like to thank you for all the fun dances…. we had as friends…

For all the times, when we were stuck, you offered your car or bike or whatever…

For having my red tea once with a grimace even though you preferred your poison..

For being so positive and “so what” even in the face of “what will I do ?”

For those warm hugs…

For giving us the space to be… joyful and enjoying the moments..

For rushing to be with us when Dad had his surgery… even though it was too much for you to get up early and make the long journey… I will never forget that…

For the lovely music..  You have a collection I love.

For swinging to Rabindra Sangeeth…. even though you said you never understood it… I will never forget that night with You and Jaya… as we both got caught by cops that night and also let go…. what a memory… I am still chuckling… as I write this… you were a badass rock star … far away from Bangla songs… hahaha 🙂

For the plants you forcefully bought for me… while walking with me to the horticulture garden.. no reason… you had to give them to me..

For the many evenings and afternoons, you spent with us, making us laugh…even getting angry… (I keep expecting you to ride by with your yellow glasses and hailing us and stopping to chat…)

For sharing your Five Star Chicken and Coke… I will always remember you when I have that now.. ( so many silly memories)

For the photos you clicked… I remember you crawling on the floor to get one good shot… and you were drunk… sigh…

For caring for so many people… wanted to please many…

12049653_10152995233897890_3339534337722018632_n (1)For spending time with my Dad…  You guys had a gala time when I was not there.. and you made sure I knew that… good for you…

For the silly gifts which only a friend can give… I will treasure them all… the silliness of it all makes it all the more special..

For those comments on FB… I will treasure those caustic notes.. ( I am not much for social media but it is so nice to go through your thoughts now)

For the deep talks and even the sharing your tears and fears with us.. I hope you know now that we all have similar fears and live through it every day..its not easy to share tears for a guy… I was humbled by that..

For the future you saw and wanting all of us to be there…

For just being you… incorrigible, reckless, rambunctious, naughty, freaky friend on one hand and the same time, a generous, kind, sensitive, emotional, loveable friend…. for not hiding the ugly and the beautiful… thus making it easier to accept you more easily..

For showing me that extremes can exist in one person… its just the choices that one makes that paves the path…

You did what you could… you lived as you wanted to… and its ok…  Now Remain in Peace and Light , till we all gather together and reminisce this lifetime we had and prepare for the next….

 

 

Meanwhile, I remain here with the rest… just another tiny soul… waiting to cross when its time… and wishing, wishing… wishing and swimming between What Ifs…