I was inspired by this article to jot down something of my own.. some of the lessons that I had to unlearn and which strengthened my belief about how I want to live.Again, this is very personal and its perfectly fine if this is totally contrary to what some think. This works for me and it has helped me, hence thought about sharing..
1. Education is the most important thing as we grow up. Well this was drilled into me and as I made this my first priority, as I lived into the adult stage, I did see that it was more important to be a good human being. If you always were a topper and did not really care much to feel for or share with the weaker ones, that sets a pattern in work and in real life.Maybe this was true when education meant employment and was available for only few. But now as we evolve, I have seen with life examples with friends and clients as well that in the pursuit of the “good education” they somehow lost out on life, family and friends in someway or the other.. Education is important but this aspect needs to be balanced with the growth of the personality and self-development as well through experiences, self and the people around us.
2. Respect your elders. Yes, that was good advice but I did see that we do not have to take crap from elders who have no respect for themselves or for me. I did try and heed this advice but after a while of me” bashing for no reason whatsoever from some, I did change the process and decided that it does not hold true for everyone.I would rather say ” Respect all human beings, young and old, poor or rich, strong or weak, ALL of them” but heck do something to stand up to people who are out to get you, just because they have age or social status above you. It does not need a negative approach but a sane, detached and firm approach showing them that they cannot mess around just because they share the same blood or have some “up” on you. Firmness with diplomacy, helps. It did and still does with me. And I don’t even have to get into any fights or arguments.. and I don’t entertain the same with anyone..anymore..
3. I need my space. Well, I did realize, that its all good about space and everything but at the end, if we keep insisting on space, we will end up very lonely and confused. Space is very illusory. I found that I could be my own woman without the need to stress my femininity or the lack of it with anyone. I got my space, if I was smart enough to arrange my life accordingly with my family and friends and with babysitting the young uns.This need for space will always be there if the woman/man always feels she is restricted..
Change the belief and imagine that you are all powerful and resourceful to do anything that you want. Be a wanton lover, a flirt, a wonderful wife, a friend, a mother, a good daughter, a respected daughter in law, a high flying executive and yet have some space for yourself to do things that you love on your own..its all about rearranging.. I find. The key is to always keep some time for yourself and not go into that sacrificing mode of be all and do all.. You will be perceived that way and soon you will realize that you are in a trap, a trap that you created yourself and start the process of cribbing and wanting out.. Be smart and always have something to do on your own.. Goes for both men and women.
For a man, its about doing things he loves and yet bonds with the family.. and there he goes..The moment we believe in the lack of space, we will always be desperate for it and in that process alienate the very condition that we are happy to be in.. so that could be anything that you want.. its not about space, its about YOU being comfortable with YOU and making time for YOU.
4. Pleasing everyone makes you a better person. The more people you please, the better person you are. Well for me, I did realize that at first its all great. The parties, being popular, having a jazzy personality, and all the blah at work and at play, but at the end of the day, it did not connect me to myself. I was losing out on my choices to be with people I really wanted to be with, talk with, or just hang out with. It did not need a psychic to tell me that I needed to change the way I lived.So now I have good friends around me who I consciously choose to be with and grow with some substance. And most of all, I find, I am very comfortable since I am going with my choice and not forced by social rules. I see that I automatically attract like minded people by just being me and yes, if you are genuine, you will still be known for the right reasons.
5. All my spouses best friends are my best friends and vice versa. This is the most notorious of them all. Hahaha !! No it does not work and the moment I realized the conflict of interest, I did make a conscious decision that its better to be acquaintances or good social connects with them. Keeps the interaction happy and hassle free. There are exceptions who have connected to me personally but mostly it is all good if there is this line of civility there. Different background, different histories, different perceptions, and well it is all good.. to respect that and accept it and bond with one’s own pals.. makes life easier.. LOL
6. Burning my bras gives me power. Well no sireee… I went there and the world looked pretty bleak and depressing.. LOL. Femininity is all good when it is balanced. I need the men in my life and not in my life to make me feel good about being a woman.. Hahaha !! So well I would rather keep them bras where they belong. So I would object to a woman being treated unfairly and all that but I would say that all men are not bad and all women are not weak and we all have the power to live for ourselves. Its important to recognize it and use it well. I would rather focus on figuring out how to not destroy the balance and yet be a part of the very system that I belong, the smart way. Believe me ! there are so many ways one can do that.
7. What will people think ? Thats a refrain I used to hear from my folks at home and in my family and around me. I used to follow this rule and then again, it did not take me long to figure out that if I go with this thought, the imaginary “people” will always rule my life and I will not have a brain of my own. I started making my own way and well yes, “the people” talked, bitched, degraded, etc and they will go on but I am happy that they do not have any more voice than another stranger barking some stupid breaking news on the channel.So again, its important that we know the rules of the system and live around it according to our choices, without needing to be an outcast but at the same time live with dignity and happiness. And the very people, would say like one of them commented to me after barking at me for a while and me ignoring it calmly and smiling it away ” leave it, she will not listen and she will do her own thing ” Well at least, it got into that head that I will do my own thing which will not embarrass anyone and yet fulfill the purpose of the task. So I do think of the people with lot of respect and yes I think about myself too with lot of respect.. Works well..
8. If someone helps you at your very bad time, anything is ok with that person. I had this opinion, that if someone helped me at my bad time, I would give my life for that person. And I lived by it. I still live by it. But its interesting to note how we do not learn to make the difference between help, a good advice and interference. As I again lived from being a rebellious student to a working woman, I did note that help is something and gratefulness is something. But letting that helpful person take advantage of your gratefulness is something else.
So my point is, be grateful but keep your bearings in mind.. don’t let that give ultimate power to the person to control your life. An altruistic soul would not dream of encroaching your privacy. But 99 % keeps looking for opportunity of how to use that gratefulness to their advantage. This is a topic, I keep having long arguments with my father. And it pains me to see that he still goes by that old adage.. and that’s dangerous in current living scenario.
9. I have to keep doing something to be happy. I had this belief that being on my own was very lonely. And I had hordes of friends always. And I felt very scared when I was free with nothing to do. The power of be with myself and have a life with just myself has enabled me to discover so much about the self and I am still in that process.. So I would rather see this as I have to keep creating something wonderful with myself and everything around me to be happy and that is limitless and timeless.Sometimes it could be as easy as thinking and doing NOTHING.
10. If something does not work, give it up: there are more options. This pertains to conflicting relationships at work and at play. More so at work. If things did not get solved at a particular time frame, I would look out for another job and keep hopping.. Well, what do you say ?? I found that the same situations keep getting repeated in different forms and feels till there is no place to run. And its good to wait it out and close it .In some cases, I waited it out and then built a strategy around it to beat this. Of course, in many cases, I have let go since it was beyond repair but I did see that if I let it go and detached myself and keeping a objective view of that situation, it would repair itself without much damage.
Again, there have been times, I had to just let go and that’s it.. But when I do get that feeling, my insides tells me that its alright.. And its ok to do that.. That way, its also a closure but not without trying.So my point is : If something does not work at your job, look at it different options around you to make it work. Apply it and move on. Do not give up without trying or without evaluating thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. If all else fails, then a new opportunity will blossom and you are good to go to the next phase.For people, give them space, take some space,for yourself and in the work sphere, it all comes around. Personally, its OK to not get along with people, I have more of a choice, but its not OK to judge the people who I did not get along with for what they are and how they interact. This helps me is seeing them as just another soul like me trying to do things right in their own way.