You become what you do…..

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Or rather you ARE what you DO…

This is the thought that keeps me grounded…  so every morning I find something meaningful to do.. in my day… and I try and have my family practice that.. .

Its not about the job, its not about the ego, its not about the rat race…

Its what you do every moment… this is true for all ages…

When I was young, it was my well meaning aunt who introduced me to books and music and movies… in various stages of my growing life and that has made me pursue many other aspects to keep enhancing myself and it kept adding to the journey of life…

Even when I was learning various Life Hacks from Master Coaches, it was always said that to change the state of our mind to reach our goals of leading a more grounded life.. instead of wallowing in thoughts that hinder our growth..

So its been sometime that Dad has been widowed and he has been like a lost child, needing constant attention. At first I started to wind him down with different methods of diverting his mind but it did not work..  All the things that he liked, he started staying away from it. I found that odd. He was focussed on one and only one thing that is food. He became obsessed with food and that led him to really affect his health. I knew he was sliding down the path but he was not listening to me.

Inspite of him living with me, he would wait till we went to work and then would binge on food.. overdoing it with everything that was harmful to him, resulting in a major heart attack and then Bypass Surgery. We took care of that easily but my worry was how to get him away from his obsession and have him focus on stuff that would enrich him and give him a sense of joy on his own without having any dependency on anyone else. Senior members specially need to feel independent and have purpose else its very easy to slide into depression and disease making habits.

The Bypass Surgery actually was a blessing and it helped me to get him into a routine… and I decided that I will bring him back to all that he likes doing..

Reading Newspaper, watching some TV for 2 hours in a day… good things, not stupid news which actually make people more tense about everything, eating healthily so that he eats with me and not hog down anything, and most importantly get him back to gardening…

I started giving him some projects to run errands for me from the shop inside the complex so that I could make him some really different food and BANG on… he fell for it… so every now and then I get together with him and plan a new recipe… he is gung ho about going many times downstairs and getting what I need… he is like a child waiting for the result… ( I am smiling right now as I imagine him looking down at my last bread pudding fiesta… hahah )

So the advantage is that I also get to explore and I have a father who is equally enthu about it all… so that took care of his food binging since  he knows he will get surprises on and off… 🙂 which he looks forward to that.

TV – I have tuned him to Nat Geo and mythological series… only in the evenings… ( thank god he is not addicted to TV – after mom’s death he got addicted to some really stupid time consuming serials which had nothing but nonsense saas bahu dramas … EWWWW…. )  So that checked…

Newspaper – I am ok that he is now addicted to newspaper… he can get lost in the newspaper… for ages… I am ok… its better than TV or food.

There were various other things which I tried to keep him motivated… and away from being naughty… hahaha which worked…

Like getting fishes and setting up an aquarium so that he could bond with them.. Like me, Dad loves pets… he loves interacting with my birds…

This is an evaluation image and is Copyright Pamela Perry. Do not publish without acquiring a license. Image number: 0515-1103-2603-0635. http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_pages/0515-1103-2603-0635.html

So thinking back to Shillong days,  we always had gardening as a part of our lives. We had a garden for everything. Most of the houses it.. Dad had a special rose garden, a whole lot of orchids… cactus line ups… and many many different blooms.. and vegetables and fruits… which dad took lot of time to nurture like little children… the hardest part of leaving our space was the garden I guess.  I was his assistant to water them when he would be away.. he would not trust anyone otherwise… it would take almost a whole day to water his garden… phew…. it was not a job I really liked…. and tried to escape as much as possible.. 🙂

I actually thought that it would be easy to get him back to something he loved.. but I got lot of resistance to this surprisingly. He kept complaining about the space..

I got along and planned a colourful garden with leftover wood… and it did come out better than we planned. So the project became our creative ‘do’ too… 🙂

Once the visual appeal and everything was taken care off… step by step…  oh yes !! out of sheer frustration, I had to go get some plants and start planting them… just to show how badly I did and how I needed his help… he kept on about how I did not now… I said … : teach me….  and well slowly,  but surely he took ownership… and made it his daily life…

Now, when I see him pottering around… totally engrossed in the plants… it makes all the effort worthwhile…

To some it would be gardening but to me, it was a added lease of life… into something someone loves… so that he could live with more joy… seeing his flowers bloom…. give me great happiness knowing that I see his love… in many ways… worth my time  and more importantly his as well….

Today… his lilies have bloomed, roses keep popping up… different hibiscus flowers that I got, also smile under his care…

I still have to get him to build the orchid put from scratch… thats a work of art which I miss… I want to learn too….

Doing something we love always gives us more impetus in our neurons and our anatomy to function more healthily from a subconscious perspective…  For me, I am getting back to writing daily… its something  I have always loved and I am going to hope I can spontaneously blog like I used to before… so dear blog, you will hear from me….

I had seen my father in law slip away just like that… and I did not know…  today I think maybe if we could introduce him to some stuff that he liked and got some incentive… he would live a bit longer, instead of giving up..

Anyway… so I would like to share some of the pictures… of his blooms… some I have already shared in Facebook…

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The garden being set up… for Daddy.. the more colorful, the more fun…

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The latest of his blooms. A beautiful Lily pot

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So besides being positive… which is somewhat challenging sometimes given what is around us… it takes going back to things that we love… to get charged up… and making that part of our daily life… specially when we retire… 🙂

Be it learning how to bake, learning how to paint, reading a new book whatever floats your boat….  it could be a life saver…

We all will die one day… that is the only permanent truth but the days we live… we have to find ways to live with joy…. be it digging inside ourselves to get back our mojo… for something we have long forgotten because life happened by….

Anyway… I wanted to jot this down just in case I forget in my old age…if i live that long… hahahah 🙂

So the only downturn of all this that my Dad is now like Dennis the Menace when he is at a flower shop… No matter how much I say its enough, he does not want to agree and keep getting more and more… flowers… sigh….  so much so that a traffic cop the other day told me to move from besides the flower shop, I asked sometime… and showed him my dad who just had conveniently turned deaf to my calls so much so I had to call him and say that the police would catch us if we did not hurry.. and move…. Very very reluctantly, he left the shop…. I could not help chuckling to myself…. he was ok when I told him I would get him back on a Sunday when traffic was zero there…. LOLOL…..

Well days of my life… I guess.

 

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