That moment coming back from my Yoga classes, when you get ***toinked*** by a taxi and he wants to push off his other damages as well by my head.
 
Nope I did not do anything.. just was waiting there as usual waiting to turn left.. listening to my favorite Geetmala and Vividbharati… on the radio…. Chanda o Chanda ( one of my favorite songs )
 
Over the hummming and swinging to the beautiful beat …. suddenly I hear this CRUNCHSSHHH… I pause my heart dancing .. And then I hear another… CRACK And CRUNCH…
 
No no no no …. What the &*#*^# 😱😱😮😮😮😣😣😣😣😣
I peek out and realise that this ETIOS Cab had somehow inserted his left wheel against my back right Wheel and then while reversing.. his car’s front fender was damaged… SHIT… 😣😣😣
 
Timing – Bad 😤 7:00 PM
Area – Fraught with Cabbie Unions😭😢😢😰😰
Traffic Police on Duty – Waiting to take the weak one’s trip…
Cop Car on Duty – Just near me… 😕😟😟😟😨😨
 
I take deep breaths… Inhale — Exhale..
Channeling the YOGINI in me… I calm my sense of hopelessness and wait…
 
I slowly open the door to assess damages and work on a smooth exit strategy…
 
The traffic police all excited… : Take to the Left side Please
I do so..
The cab also comes by and blocks my exit from behind so that I cannot escape… Well… 🤭🤭🤭🤭 I have plans..
 
So I slowly go and talk to him..
Start with a “tumba sorry line”… he is befuddled with my “sorry face”… and I request him take 500 INR and fix it.
 
He is like : I have to talk to the owner..
He yaps on the phone with the owner… ( its 8:00 PM)
And he gets back saying, I have to fix the car ASAP… he does not know… anything..
 
I say well where do I fix it.. he does not know…
then he starts pulling the fender… I was like DUDE why are pulling it … 😟😤😟
 
He is like… no this damaged… this fender is worth 9000 INR and you are giving me 500 INR..
I am like… its just a nudge and not a scratch…
 
I then take him through my Bolero,… buying some time telling him how easily it can be fixed.. I mean… DUH..
I give him some gyan about crumple zones… and shit… tell him stories about how we fix our own car when we have small problems… and blah blah… 
 
NOPE… he wants the car fixed…
 
The police… starts talking to him in Kannada…
I interrupt him… then in Telegu, I interrupt him in Telegu…
 
He was basically trying to cut a side deal with that cabbie.. I was not having it… NO SIR… you messin’ with the wrong woman… I may be puny and look like
“Puss in Boots” with tiny arms and legs… but no no no… 😠😠😠 no you don’t get to take one on me…
 
He looks “down” at me… and says.. : MADAM(aaa) – aapko kya bhasah aata… ( in a very heavy South Indian Accent)
 
Me very sweetly : Ella Bhasha baratte… neevu heli… Kannada Gottu… ?? With a typical hand gesture we do here in kannada 😛
 
Immediately… – he snapped up straight…
 
NOW the talk begins… Enter Police drama…
 
Go here, go there… I know mechanic… etc etc..
I listen… patiently.. then he says.. he has duty… blah blah.. the cabbie is a good guy.. help him… I am like yeah buddy… all good..
 
Cabbie : he keeps going and pulling the fender… I am like — SOmething is not right.. why is he doing that.. does he want to show that its more damaged than it is… 
 
Slowly while the police tries to “convince” me… i walk around and MY OH MY… His right side is totally crashed out… And he wants me to repair the whole damn thing… he thought I could not see in the dark…
 
GOTCHA…. 🧐🧐🧐 ( inhale and exhale – exit strategy planned) I clearly say I am not going to pay for the fender … he says – no madam… only left side…
 
I am like.. Yeah Macha… you go the the mechanic and he will fix only one side.. WAAAHHH ( I think I look like a looser by now hahahah if he thinks that I am buying that )
 
I again sincerely tell him that I will give him 500 INR.. Take it and go and we are both happy.. Cop is looking at both of us.. thinking… oh no… how will I earn my money…
 
Meanwhile the cop takes me aside and gives me philosophy of how everyone’s time is being wasted…
I am like… But i have lot of time…
What is time ? Time is nothing.. it slips..by just like that..
Today its bad time for me tomorrow bad time for you… and the ups and down… blah blah… till he was like 😵😵😵😵
I gently tell him to go do his duty.. while I fix it..
 
NOPE… he wants his “time” = “money” now both are making calls…
 
Enough is enough… : I need to give up the YOGINI… now..
 
BANG… — This Evirl me had it… since no solution and I was being had… with cheese in between…
 
I tell them OK I will fix it… or at least try… Let me call my “husband”
 
Both of them again look at me ” HUH” 
Oh and by now, the cabbie is speaking in very good English with me.. The cop and cabbie watching me expectantly..
 
Yeah 10 mins… (Told Rocks to get another “expert” with cabbie language and culture)
 
The moment they come in, I am like.. smiling sweetly… and they now have to look up… BUAHAHHAAH it was fun… 
All the while they looked “down” at me… thinking… what a pest.. I am sure 😛
Rocks immediately checks our car…  Which by the way I had kept it for later… and then he also sees that the cabbie’s fender is badly damaged and he wanted to ride on us, by having us fix that…
Our dear friend who is well versed.. quickly takes charge… with the lingo and the authority to which the cabbies respond to…. and offers him 500 INR.. He assesses the damage to be 200 INR..
NOPE… the cabbie is adamant…
He and Rocky send me home : while they tell him to follow Rocks so that he can keep the car…
And WHOOSH after a while, they disappear…  not intentionally but well the cab could not keep up with the good old shop’s kinetic honda… The bike waits for the cab to appear but well……
Lost in Motion I guess… :P:P:P
BUhahahahahah …. EVIRL LAUGH
Lesson :
  • Be calm and speak their language and keep negotiating… and distracting if needed… 😛
  • Be genuine.. without giving away any weakness.. no shouting or crying…
  • its good if you understand the language…
  • Know your adversary : are you being *** toinked**** ?? double check…
  • Have a back up plan… my secret ammunition was our good old friend… who knew the ropes…
  • Go home and chill out…
 

Much Ado about Nothing 

Mary Kom book is definitely better than the movie… I thought I would like it… but Priyanka Chopra and her weird lips (she has definitely done something there).. just did not cut it… nothing like Farhan Akhtar of Bhag Milkha Bhag… And it includes the dramatisation…. the Milkha Story had me hooked… inspite of that.. Mary Kom… Specially Ms Chopra’s rendition… was disappointing… could stand only quarter of the movie… went back to the book and it was like getting back to reality… phew… her account is I could visualize a better story… her story sans the drama… Anyway… a beautiful, silent Bangalore last week… long lazy holiday… and some me time… some family time… I loved the time and space… Dad loves going to the malls I realised… just like any kids…

His latest favorite is Phoenix Mall… and his favorite activity is to have coffee and watch people pass by… So I know now what to do when he needs to be distracted… And besides the fact that the year is zipping by in a blink… I am looking forward to the next set of holidays… (I love October )

Hope all of you had awesome hols…

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Baruah Chronicles : Deemag ki Batti Jalao… [ Yet another Tale]

So on 2nd of Oct, we were stuck in the evening after our pandal hopping on a one way… there was a way to go up the road but one could only come down … and there seemed to be cops lingering… Now Rocky Barua who drove us through some lanes… suddenly found that he was stuck… so he asks me what to do… No food and weighed down by a sari which I wanted to change as soon as possible for a more comfy attire… I was totally out of ideas… and it was close to midnight… So we could not go back and the only way we could go out was the way where the traffic stood still. Rocky waits… seeing no intelligence from the tired and dead beat ol me and thinks and thinks and thinks… Dad is getting restless… and he suddenly shouts.. “Deemag ki batti jalao” I am like thinking inside… DUH !!! He looks here and there… some old security guards peep out from the posh apts and he waits… for more time… then he turns the Bolero in the direction of the one way which was a climb up and actually starts reversing… Whilst I think that maybe we will go out… he actually keeps on reversing and climbing up that way… I got it…. and I could not help gufawwing…. If a cop catches us, Rocky will simply put it in first gear and pretend he is coming down… and he managed to elude the cop who was a non show… and reversed all the way back up to catch the main road route… all the while, the security guys looking at us as if we were mad… hahahah ( imagine suddenly a car coming and stops and keeps driving in reverse with a decked up family inside… for the whole cross road) Ahem… So Rocky explains he did exactly what the ad said… and you can refer to it here


I was not surprised but I obviously cackled my way home… thinking knowing Bangalore cops, they would have possibly fallen for this trick… Buhahahah

 

Well this is the first thing that came to mind….  from this song… one I love..

So anyway , the post being inspired by one of the uploads in FB by a friend of mine… reminded me creepily of the time when I was just getting married to the “luv-o-me-life” and had to move out of the studio apt and look for rent….

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I think that was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life… meeting so many people with so many conditions.. that the then eternally optimistic me just did not know when to give up..

I remember Rocky was in Mumbai trying to wrap up things so that he could shift here and I had to be the “independent-i-will-do-it” who went house hopping..

I had heard of the non veg and vegetarian thingy and also knew some of the areas which specialized in this… so avoided them…

Yet there were those who I met, who had to grill me, what food I ate, what kind of vegetarian I was, did I eat egg ? No no !! that would not do…  Sometimes, I would just say that I was a vegetarian and got away with it just to cut short the inquisition… but sometimes, they asked pinpointed questions and in my distracted busy mood, I forgot to lie and some shut the door on my face… inspite of having the rent agent with me… and most of the times, I did not like the house or the owners..

Someone asked me … if we partied, so the tenants could not party, could not drink, could not be loud… and on and on the list went…. oh yes… but in non vegetarianism, fish was not allowed because it smelled but meat was allowed…

I was going :O and :O but again the eternal optimist in me did not give up…. what finally bowled me over was this experience…. this killed my optimism…

So the agent had fixed a home in Old Airport Road, a nice house.. and nice owner… I loved the locality… it was sporadically populated.. Bangalore was green at that point of time… So we went ahead and reached as per the appointment with the agent and the owner was very kind.. and let us in, and then started the whole discussion… it was a first floor so no problem.. with vegetarianism, no problem with late nights, etc and so on… and out of curiosity he asked where I was from… even though i was conversing with him in broken Kannada.. ( to connect) he wanted to know my roots… I guess… 🙂

I innocently and quite proudly told him I was from Shillong.. and my ancestral home was in Assam. So effectively you can say I am from Assam…

There was a pause….  and I waited… a long pause… I waited… and had this sinking feeling that he did not like this….

And his rant started…

Landlord : Oh Aiyyoo… you are from Assam… what ma ? You did not tell me that before..

( I was thinking… “you did not ask ??” )

Landlord : looking at the agent, gave him a long firing in Kannada, the gist of which was how dare you bring someone like this to my house…  the agent of course was more perplexed..

ME :  Ahem, Sir may I ask what is the problem.. ?

Landlord : Problemaaa ??… Aiyoooo ( holding his head) … tch tch tch…

ME : Still waiting….  again with the deeper sinking feeling…

Landlord : Still nodding… he finally said… you know people from Assam… they have  guns… they are terrorists… Are you a terrorist… ?

ME : GAWK and double GAWK…. what… !!!!!! !@&#$&

( I was thinking and I still remember this thought. If i was a terrorist, would I come to his house and proclaim that ??  DUH… I mean I know people did not know the Assamese folks and I have been called a cannibal, living in tree houses, and all that stuff which I took quite sportingly since we out there also thought all south indians are madrasis… how silly )

Landlord : ( Before I could answer) … no no… you will keep guns and you will shoot me and my family… so much danger I cannot take… so much risk… Aiyooo paaa paa… Aiyooooo

ME: I got up…. its alright… thank you…

Landlord : Aiyoo no no no…. . and to the agent, he went on blasting him… LOLOLOL I pitied the agent…

I took off in a hurry, telling the agent… I will contact him later… leaving him with the befuddled and scared owner…

And it affirmed my opinion, that I was not the only crazy one out there… LOLOLOL… I could have very good friends… LOLOLOL…

And I did get a very good house on rent… and I moved 2 houses… and all were very good owners… so you do have them good you know… just saying…. you just need to really get lucky to get them…. LOLOLOL

A_Woman_Looking_wrinklesSo being at my favorite place Ankh Creations, I was busy with experimenting with a new design of jewellery.. something simple, something everyday wear and I had a couple of designs in mind to make with my beautiful rose quartz gems that I had got… I had something building in my mind of Lapis Lazuli beads and so on… but the day was passing by fast… Attending to customers and then wanting some time to create…

Well as I was working through my beadaholic visions, there was this beautiful lady who entered the shop seeing the saree at the display window. She asked about the price and then came in wanting to look for more or so I thought…

I showed her the kind of saris that she liked… she kept on wanting to see something or the other and well I knew she would not buy anything… you just know with customers like this.. they just either waste your time, or well… I call them “simply walk ins”.. 🙂

But I kept my thought to myself and went on with working on what she liked… when she stopped me suddenly and asked me softly…  “will my wrinkles go away ?”

Me : DUH … what ???  ( I did not think I heard correctly)  you mean to say Maam, will my wrinkles go away.. ? I mean I love my wrinkles and am quiet happy with it… if I may say so…  ? ( very gently)

Customer : No no… I want my face like you… so will my wrinkles go away.. ?

Me : Ahem…!! I dont see any wrinkles in your face…

Customer ( insistently, pointing to her forehead) : See I have wrinkles here.. ( there were three faint lines, but thats natural.. I guess, and she was beautiful)

Me ( Not wanting to offend her , yet waiting inside myself… zipping through my list of most favorable responses..)  :  Maam, you look beautiful as you are.

Customer : No, I want to know… if my wrinkles will go…

Me : ( with a sigh) …. struggling to figure out where this was going…  and before I could say something to distract her…

Customer : what do you use for your face ??

Me ( Stumped) : Well… ( now I am a minimalist when it comes to make up or using anything for the face besides a facewash and a scrub ) ( i remembered what mom and my aunts used…) I use Ponds daily.. Ponds cream, ponds facewash, ponds blah and ponds blah…

Customer : (with an expression that I got her then ) : Ah ha !!! now you are talking… so ponds will give me the face that you have..

Me : HUH !! ( dear lord, what is it about the face), my face not so great, you are “tumba channagida”

She happily smiles : but my wrinkles…. you know the Doctor said that my face has rashes… so I cannot use anything, I am using medicine..

Me : smiles…. pauses… Uh huh… so Maam, do you like any of the saris that I showed you.. ( trying desperately to close this conversation )

She : So I will go ask my father for money and if he gives me money, I will buy saris from you.

Me : Ok (now sure that there was something wrong with this soul, as this lady looked to be in about late fifties and really well maintained in terms of beauty and age )

She : So what do you put for rashes ? and how will it go..

Me : hmmm… huhhh….

She : you put mehendi in your hair..

Me : No… see my gray hairs… its all natural… ( I was by now, wishing I was somewhere else)

She : So tell me what to put in my face..  my rashes will disturb me..

Me ( last ditch attempt at closing this) : you can put Chandan. Chandan ( sandalwood) is very good for face..

She ( with a wow look in her face which I was beginning to dread) : What is chandan ?

Me : you get in puja shops ( in broken Kannada explaining how to apply)

She : So I will put for a whole day… ??

Me : YES… NO NO NO… not whole day … 1 hour…. NO NO NO… 15 mins… NO ( sheesh this was like bad… I was again remembering my mom who used to religiously put chandan for my acne.. when I was a teen… ( how long was it ??)  AH HA … again in broken kannada, till your skin dries up… and then wash.. .

She. : My doc … told me to take medicines…

Me : ask your doc before you put chandan…

She : ok…. I will put Ponds, DOVE and Chandan..

Me : and ask your doctor before you put anything… ( really hoping that she ignores all that I have said, in fact was praying that she forgets what she talked with me the moment she stepped out )

She : So show me gold chain and gold coin… your husband does not want to sell me gold..

Me ( throwing in my towel) : we are so sorry, we do not sell gold… 🙂 with my best toothy smile…

She : But I will put ponds…

Me : okok Maam, thank you…

All this while Rocky was watching me from outside blithely looking up at the sky not even bothering to help me out… later on telling me that she comes to the shop and asks for gold chain and coin.

And I hurriedly became busy and waved her a pleasant goodbye… praying that she gets help from the right person who will stop her from wandering here and there..

PHEW 🙂 I am thinking, how does one deal with customers like this.. how can we be gentle with them and yet not make them feel different..  Next time I shall be prepared…  this time, with beads on my mind, i was totally flummoxed.. 🙂

 

biryaniWell not exactly about the gender bias…

So biryani being our fast to buy, good to eat, we keep exploring, yummy biryani vendors.. .

I have been observing from sometime that when I go to the regular joints and get Biryani, I get a very raw deal. There is this place in Ulsoor, Bangalore which makes some awesome Biryani and well, I walked in one Sunday to get some for home.. and it amazed me first that there were no women there, second, they made me sit for ever while serving all the other men and finally gave me the dish with little or no chicken pieces… go figure…

this is the same place from where Rocks gets food sometimes, and well i was so impressed by the servings and the meat… 🙂

I gave it up to some nonsensical gender bias… or whatever…

Last Saturday, we sent our little cousin to get biryani from yet another joint we frequented and the chicken pieces were yet again tiny and really not that great… lots of rice though… I was wondering whether it was coincidental or was it late as we do usually get good pieces..

Not that it sat on my mind.. today as usual Rocky gets it and us usual, we get good fat big pieces of chicken.. Rocky is a regular customer here yet again…

So my conclusion is clear…

When wanting Biryani, get Rocky to buy it… SIMPLE…

Its all down to regular customers, people they know, they feel good to serve and give good stuff..

Well all normal I guess.

That ends my really silly post… hahahah 🙂

Sometimes, the mind really gets stuck with things that are so mundane and well thats the fun..