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Everyday life…

Its what we try and live every moment, sometimes in a routine, sometimes with awareness, sometimes with rebellion, sometimes with courage and sometimes with a desperate wish to do more and more… to live more and more the only way one knows how… right or wrong… it does not matter how…

Having reached a considerable age in human years and hopefully in soul years, I have not been untouched by death, the most impactful was that of my mother’s and I am still getting over it… there is no saying how long that “time” takes to heal.. one never does in a way…

Living and losing is a part of life’s game and yet… it makes for so much pain. I guess I would not be human if I would not feel it again and again. The pain is in a way reminding me that I am still human…

Among the multitudes of souls that pass by some souls just touch you deep in your subconsciousness, just by being themselves this was one such person.

Rituraj Choudhury or Raj as he was called… came into my life as this crazy friend a year after mom died. It was the 31st of Dec and I pushed myself to get back to normal life for the first time, going to a friend’s house. It was his birthday and well I was born on a 31st too…(what a coincidence, I thought.. tough numbers, tough destiny..)

We talked cars, we danced to the night, we celebrated his birthday cooking and drinking generally doing things what people do… It was my first step towards getting back to normal life..

And somehow he became a very dear friend. Describing him would be very difficult as he had all the great things that made him a wonderful soul and all the not so great things which made him so human… I think I am the only person who knew him for such a short time. All the rest seem to have known him forever… And yet, it seemed like a long time. He had loads of friends from all walks of life. And he was generous with everyone to a fault. Everyone.

Then he became severely ill which he just refused to admit to himself until it was too late,  and took us through the agonising moments of his death. The many procedures his body had to go through, the clutching at straws knowing this is a point of no return and just rueing the fact that it is such a waste… but then maybe he did what he had to do… with his life..made his choices …. so there…

It has been 3 days and I am still trying to control the flow of tears out of nowhere as I sit and do my work.

I know it is life. I know the soul lives on forever, and I will meet him again and again… if its so willed..

I know that we don’t die… only change our bodies… and roles…

And yet, this role of mine which knew him as a friend in this lifetime is so pained at the loss…. cannot comprehend why… I am just trying to get through… maybe because its so sudden, maybe because it was such a close encounter…  I dont know… So here I write… I get through better when I write… And I affirm the following…

wake-of-loss-affirmation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would like to thank him for so many things..  Little things which we take for granted… in the wake of racing with the world..

1378709_10151618127742890_823384916_nI would like to thank you for all the fun dances…. we had as friends…

For all the times, when we were stuck, you offered your car or bike or whatever…

For having my red tea once with a grimace even though you preferred your poison..

For being so positive and “so what” even in the face of “what will I do ?”

For those warm hugs…

For giving us the space to be… joyful and enjoying the moments..

For rushing to be with us when Dad had his surgery… even though it was too much for you to get up early and make the long journey… I will never forget that…

For the lovely music..  You have a collection I love.

For swinging to Rabindra Sangeeth…. even though you said you never understood it… I will never forget that night with You and Jaya… as we both got caught by cops that night and also let go…. what a memory… I am still chuckling… as I write this… you were a badass rock star … far away from Bangla songs… hahaha 🙂

For the plants you forcefully bought for me… while walking with me to the horticulture garden.. no reason… you had to give them to me..

For the many evenings and afternoons, you spent with us, making us laugh…even getting angry… (I keep expecting you to ride by with your yellow glasses and hailing us and stopping to chat…)

For sharing your Five Star Chicken and Coke… I will always remember you when I have that now.. ( so many silly memories)

For the photos you clicked… I remember you crawling on the floor to get one good shot… and you were drunk… sigh…

For caring for so many people… wanted to please many…

12049653_10152995233897890_3339534337722018632_n (1)For spending time with my Dad…  You guys had a gala time when I was not there.. and you made sure I knew that… good for you…

For the silly gifts which only a friend can give… I will treasure them all… the silliness of it all makes it all the more special..

For those comments on FB… I will treasure those caustic notes.. ( I am not much for social media but it is so nice to go through your thoughts now)

For the deep talks and even the sharing your tears and fears with us.. I hope you know now that we all have similar fears and live through it every day..its not easy to share tears for a guy… I was humbled by that..

For the future you saw and wanting all of us to be there…

For just being you… incorrigible, reckless, rambunctious, naughty, freaky friend on one hand and the same time, a generous, kind, sensitive, emotional, loveable friend…. for not hiding the ugly and the beautiful… thus making it easier to accept you more easily..

For showing me that extremes can exist in one person… its just the choices that one makes that paves the path…

You did what you could… you lived as you wanted to… and its ok…  Now Remain in Peace and Light , till we all gather together and reminisce this lifetime we had and prepare for the next….

 

 

Meanwhile, I remain here with the rest… just another tiny soul… waiting to cross when its time… and wishing, wishing… wishing and swimming between What Ifs… 

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Or rather you ARE what you DO…

This is the thought that keeps me grounded…  so every morning I find something meaningful to do.. in my day… and I try and have my family practice that.. .

Its not about the job, its not about the ego, its not about the rat race…

Its what you do every moment… this is true for all ages…

When I was young, it was my well meaning aunt who introduced me to books and music and movies… in various stages of my growing life and that has made me pursue many other aspects to keep enhancing myself and it kept adding to the journey of life…

Even when I was learning various Life Hacks from Master Coaches, it was always said that to change the state of our mind to reach our goals of leading a more grounded life.. instead of wallowing in thoughts that hinder our growth..

So its been sometime that Dad has been widowed and he has been like a lost child, needing constant attention. At first I started to wind him down with different methods of diverting his mind but it did not work..  All the things that he liked, he started staying away from it. I found that odd. He was focussed on one and only one thing that is food. He became obsessed with food and that led him to really affect his health. I knew he was sliding down the path but he was not listening to me.

Inspite of him living with me, he would wait till we went to work and then would binge on food.. overdoing it with everything that was harmful to him, resulting in a major heart attack and then Bypass Surgery. We took care of that easily but my worry was how to get him away from his obsession and have him focus on stuff that would enrich him and give him a sense of joy on his own without having any dependency on anyone else. Senior members specially need to feel independent and have purpose else its very easy to slide into depression and disease making habits.

The Bypass Surgery actually was a blessing and it helped me to get him into a routine… and I decided that I will bring him back to all that he likes doing..

Reading Newspaper, watching some TV for 2 hours in a day… good things, not stupid news which actually make people more tense about everything, eating healthily so that he eats with me and not hog down anything, and most importantly get him back to gardening…

I started giving him some projects to run errands for me from the shop inside the complex so that I could make him some really different food and BANG on… he fell for it… so every now and then I get together with him and plan a new recipe… he is gung ho about going many times downstairs and getting what I need… he is like a child waiting for the result… ( I am smiling right now as I imagine him looking down at my last bread pudding fiesta… hahah )

So the advantage is that I also get to explore and I have a father who is equally enthu about it all… so that took care of his food binging since  he knows he will get surprises on and off… 🙂 which he looks forward to that.

TV – I have tuned him to Nat Geo and mythological series… only in the evenings… ( thank god he is not addicted to TV – after mom’s death he got addicted to some really stupid time consuming serials which had nothing but nonsense saas bahu dramas … EWWWW…. )  So that checked…

Newspaper – I am ok that he is now addicted to newspaper… he can get lost in the newspaper… for ages… I am ok… its better than TV or food.

There were various other things which I tried to keep him motivated… and away from being naughty… hahaha which worked…

Like getting fishes and setting up an aquarium so that he could bond with them.. Like me, Dad loves pets… he loves interacting with my birds…

This is an evaluation image and is Copyright Pamela Perry. Do not publish without acquiring a license. Image number: 0515-1103-2603-0635. http://www.acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_pages/0515-1103-2603-0635.html

So thinking back to Shillong days,  we always had gardening as a part of our lives. We had a garden for everything. Most of the houses it.. Dad had a special rose garden, a whole lot of orchids… cactus line ups… and many many different blooms.. and vegetables and fruits… which dad took lot of time to nurture like little children… the hardest part of leaving our space was the garden I guess.  I was his assistant to water them when he would be away.. he would not trust anyone otherwise… it would take almost a whole day to water his garden… phew…. it was not a job I really liked…. and tried to escape as much as possible.. 🙂

I actually thought that it would be easy to get him back to something he loved.. but I got lot of resistance to this surprisingly. He kept complaining about the space..

I got along and planned a colourful garden with leftover wood… and it did come out better than we planned. So the project became our creative ‘do’ too… 🙂

Once the visual appeal and everything was taken care off… step by step…  oh yes !! out of sheer frustration, I had to go get some plants and start planting them… just to show how badly I did and how I needed his help… he kept on about how I did not now… I said … : teach me….  and well slowly,  but surely he took ownership… and made it his daily life…

Now, when I see him pottering around… totally engrossed in the plants… it makes all the effort worthwhile…

To some it would be gardening but to me, it was a added lease of life… into something someone loves… so that he could live with more joy… seeing his flowers bloom…. give me great happiness knowing that I see his love… in many ways… worth my time  and more importantly his as well….

Today… his lilies have bloomed, roses keep popping up… different hibiscus flowers that I got, also smile under his care…

I still have to get him to build the orchid put from scratch… thats a work of art which I miss… I want to learn too….

Doing something we love always gives us more impetus in our neurons and our anatomy to function more healthily from a subconscious perspective…  For me, I am getting back to writing daily… its something  I have always loved and I am going to hope I can spontaneously blog like I used to before… so dear blog, you will hear from me….

I had seen my father in law slip away just like that… and I did not know…  today I think maybe if we could introduce him to some stuff that he liked and got some incentive… he would live a bit longer, instead of giving up..

Anyway… so I would like to share some of the pictures… of his blooms… some I have already shared in Facebook…

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The garden being set up… for Daddy.. the more colorful, the more fun…

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The latest of his blooms. A beautiful Lily pot

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So besides being positive… which is somewhat challenging sometimes given what is around us… it takes going back to things that we love… to get charged up… and making that part of our daily life… specially when we retire… 🙂

Be it learning how to bake, learning how to paint, reading a new book whatever floats your boat….  it could be a life saver…

We all will die one day… that is the only permanent truth but the days we live… we have to find ways to live with joy…. be it digging inside ourselves to get back our mojo… for something we have long forgotten because life happened by….

Anyway… I wanted to jot this down just in case I forget in my old age…if i live that long… hahahah 🙂

So the only downturn of all this that my Dad is now like Dennis the Menace when he is at a flower shop… No matter how much I say its enough, he does not want to agree and keep getting more and more… flowers… sigh….  so much so that a traffic cop the other day told me to move from besides the flower shop, I asked sometime… and showed him my dad who just had conveniently turned deaf to my calls so much so I had to call him and say that the police would catch us if we did not hurry.. and move…. Very very reluctantly, he left the shop…. I could not help chuckling to myself…. he was ok when I told him I would get him back on a Sunday when traffic was zero there…. LOLOL…..

Well days of my life… I guess.

 

The other day I was surfing the net in search of some inspiration. Just as I was clicking my way through different links… on the web, I came across this beautiful story of Joey and Rory..

My heart has been always been strumming to country music right from school where, I would swing to the many many tunes of George Strait, Don Williams, Alan Jackson and well one of my top top favorites Jim Reeves among many others.

I would wait to buy the audio cassettes when they would be on the racks in Shillong. We did not have Itunes or downloads back then. ( good old days)

So I followed up on the story of Joey and Rory and found immense inspiration with their story.  Rory is just a brillant writer and he was so courageous to share the most vulnerable phase in his life. It was very humbling to me and their story also again reinstated my faith in the Divine.

As we grow older we all have the painful but deeply enriching experience of losing our beloved friends and loved ones along the way. Its part of our journey and we have the choice to learn many positive aspects in our lives…

This story came to me at a very opportune time and it filled me with pain at first but a deep sense of appreciation seeing Joey’s belief in her Saviour. And her love for life and the way she lived. Simple and down to earth…

And the music was just the best icing on the cake… I loved what Rory penned about them… He was the song and she was the singer. A beautiful match.

Reading about their life… (because it was so well written) made me again be grateful and again be aware of the deep gratitude that is in me for being alive… being able to breathe… inspite of everything…. life is made to live well…. and then we die well…I always believe in that…every post is tinged with so much hope and thankfulness… its very inspiring..

Reminded me of my mom’s struggle with her health before she passed on. My roomate’s struggle with cancer before she passed on… so many other memories… it sometimes seemed that the Rory was writing my story in bits and pieces… Sigh… 🙂 Like many others, I too prayed for her…. Like many others I have been entranced by the simplicity of the life that they have shared… its a privilege in today’s day… And like many, I think her voice and songs will keep with me for a long time to come.. Thank you Joey for that gift… 🙂 Your hymns are magical… your songs are a delight… and your story makes me live better and better…

So I just thought I would like to share one of their many songs I have become  a fan of… Today this has been playing in my mind.

Beautiful lyrics… and a beautiful way to say whats important… right down to the roots…

Here is this beautiful song..

Here are the lyrics… most of which resonated so strongly with me…  had to post this… 🙂

“That’s Important To Me”

Not planning our day around a TV set

Paying our bills and staying out of debt

That’s important to me

That’s important to me

 

Opening the windows and letting in air

Holding hands when we’re saying a prayer

That’s important to me

Yeah, that’s important to me

 

Having somebody to share my life

Loving my husband and being a wife

And the very best mother I can be

That’s important to me

 

Telling the truth and being real

Feeding my family a home cooked meal

That’s important to me

That’s important to me

 

Planting a garden and watching it grow

Keeping it country on the radio

That’s important to me

Yeah, that’s important to me

 

Always having you to hold

Being beside you when we grow old

And they plant us ‘neath that big old tree

That’s important to me

 

Always having you to hold

Being beside you when we grow old

And they plant us ‘neath that big old tree

 

Believing our dreams will take us somewhere

Still being ourselves if we ever get there

That’s important to me

That’s important to me

 

Yeah, that’s important to me

That’s important to me

 

That’s important to me

And if you are interested to know more, here is this brilliant writer’s blog

10906235_973202189376002_3041014388584192215_nAs the new year creeps in, it feels like the time is swinging by and the year is at a fast forward motion.

 

So many events keep passing by that its sometimes difficult to keep pace but I like it.

Where there is no movement, slowly stagnation sets in.

 

My desire to write has been burning and yet everytime I sit to pen down a few words the grey matter just dissolves…. Into mundane activities…

The yearning to write made me go to Quora… but this was with the aim of sharing on a different platform. I am thinking I will put those answers in my blog as a sharing here as well..

Rediscovering blogger pals on one of the FB pages.. was heartening..It was so joyful to see some get back to writing,.Keeps inspiring me…

Getting off Facebook Slowly makes me more and more positive towards life.

Yes I keep hearing from friends and relatives that I am not able to keep up with their life as I am not regular on Facebook… Well if you want to connect you can always meet me  over a cup of coffee and share your updates with me… but normal catching up is going null and void now.. its all online…

I stubbornly clutch to the offline way of connecting and still take pleasure in hanging out really with good friends offline… a point which I am going to follow this year…

And yes there are some who are so totally out of connect that they actually tell me…. I don’t have time to look at your online activities… so you need to catch up with me 1:1…

Life as I knew it is slowly shutting down. Life as I once lived… I like that state of existence… and its time to backboot myself..

Lessons in invisible boundaries… I knew about it but actually being pushed away by it.. different perceptions , getting to know about them… and breaking them apart and being part of the melee that is called the social system… has been an interesting space…

Lessons in compassion for self and the time when to say enough. It never is enough, the lessons..

And the ability to get lost again… lost and reaching a point when I have to choose… between action and inaction… to be or not to be… is what I am left with.

Tough decisions to be taken this year and yeah weirdly am looking forward to it.  Sometimes, just like machines, life needs a reboot . 2015, I am rebooting and decluttering and debunking all the rooted beliefs which keep me going backwards instead of moving forward…  feels good just thinking about it…

its scary but in a good way…

Much Ado about Nothing 

Mary Kom book is definitely better than the movie… I thought I would like it… but Priyanka Chopra and her weird lips (she has definitely done something there).. just did not cut it… nothing like Farhan Akhtar of Bhag Milkha Bhag… And it includes the dramatisation…. the Milkha Story had me hooked… inspite of that.. Mary Kom… Specially Ms Chopra’s rendition… was disappointing… could stand only quarter of the movie… went back to the book and it was like getting back to reality… phew… her account is I could visualize a better story… her story sans the drama… Anyway… a beautiful, silent Bangalore last week… long lazy holiday… and some me time… some family time… I loved the time and space… Dad loves going to the malls I realised… just like any kids…

His latest favorite is Phoenix Mall… and his favorite activity is to have coffee and watch people pass by… So I know now what to do when he needs to be distracted… And besides the fact that the year is zipping by in a blink… I am looking forward to the next set of holidays… (I love October )

Hope all of you had awesome hols…

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Baruah Chronicles : Deemag ki Batti Jalao… [ Yet another Tale]

So on 2nd of Oct, we were stuck in the evening after our pandal hopping on a one way… there was a way to go up the road but one could only come down … and there seemed to be cops lingering… Now Rocky Barua who drove us through some lanes… suddenly found that he was stuck… so he asks me what to do… No food and weighed down by a sari which I wanted to change as soon as possible for a more comfy attire… I was totally out of ideas… and it was close to midnight… So we could not go back and the only way we could go out was the way where the traffic stood still. Rocky waits… seeing no intelligence from the tired and dead beat ol me and thinks and thinks and thinks… Dad is getting restless… and he suddenly shouts.. “Deemag ki batti jalao” I am like thinking inside… DUH !!! He looks here and there… some old security guards peep out from the posh apts and he waits… for more time… then he turns the Bolero in the direction of the one way which was a climb up and actually starts reversing… Whilst I think that maybe we will go out… he actually keeps on reversing and climbing up that way… I got it…. and I could not help gufawwing…. If a cop catches us, Rocky will simply put it in first gear and pretend he is coming down… and he managed to elude the cop who was a non show… and reversed all the way back up to catch the main road route… all the while, the security guys looking at us as if we were mad… hahahah ( imagine suddenly a car coming and stops and keeps driving in reverse with a decked up family inside… for the whole cross road) Ahem… So Rocky explains he did exactly what the ad said… and you can refer to it here


I was not surprised but I obviously cackled my way home… thinking knowing Bangalore cops, they would have possibly fallen for this trick… Buhahahah