10906235_973202189376002_3041014388584192215_nAs the new year creeps in, it feels like the time is swinging by and the year is at a fast forward motion.

 

So many events keep passing by that its sometimes difficult to keep pace but I like it.

Where there is no movement, slowly stagnation sets in.

 

My desire to write has been burning and yet everytime I sit to pen down a few words the grey matter just dissolves…. Into mundane activities…

The yearning to write made me go to Quora… but this was with the aim of sharing on a different platform. I am thinking I will put those answers in my blog as a sharing here as well..

Rediscovering blogger pals on one of the FB pages.. was heartening..It was so joyful to see some get back to writing,.Keeps inspiring me…

Getting off Facebook Slowly makes me more and more positive towards life.

Yes I keep hearing from friends and relatives that I am not able to keep up with their life as I am not regular on Facebook… Well if you want to connect you can always meet me  over a cup of coffee and share your updates with me… but normal catching up is going null and void now.. its all online…

I stubbornly clutch to the offline way of connecting and still take pleasure in hanging out really with good friends offline… a point which I am going to follow this year…

And yes there are some who are so totally out of connect that they actually tell me…. I don’t have time to look at your online activities… so you need to catch up with me 1:1…

Life as I knew it is slowly shutting down. Life as I once lived… I like that state of existence… and its time to backboot myself..

Lessons in invisible boundaries… I knew about it but actually being pushed away by it.. different perceptions , getting to know about them… and breaking them apart and being part of the melee that is called the social system… has been an interesting space…

Lessons in compassion for self and the time when to say enough. It never is enough, the lessons..

And the ability to get lost again… lost and reaching a point when I have to choose… between action and inaction… to be or not to be… is what I am left with.

Tough decisions to be taken this year and yeah weirdly am looking forward to it.  Sometimes, just like machines, life needs a reboot . 2015, I am rebooting and decluttering and debunking all the rooted beliefs which keep me going backwards instead of moving forward…  feels good just thinking about it…

its scary but in a good way…

Well this is the first thing that came to mind….  from this song… one I love..

So anyway , the post being inspired by one of the uploads in FB by a friend of mine… reminded me creepily of the time when I was just getting married to the “luv-o-me-life” and had to move out of the studio apt and look for rent….

add_toon_info-php

I think that was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life… meeting so many people with so many conditions.. that the then eternally optimistic me just did not know when to give up..

I remember Rocky was in Mumbai trying to wrap up things so that he could shift here and I had to be the “independent-i-will-do-it” who went house hopping..

I had heard of the non veg and vegetarian thingy and also knew some of the areas which specialized in this… so avoided them…

Yet there were those who I met, who had to grill me, what food I ate, what kind of vegetarian I was, did I eat egg ? No no !! that would not do…  Sometimes, I would just say that I was a vegetarian and got away with it just to cut short the inquisition… but sometimes, they asked pinpointed questions and in my distracted busy mood, I forgot to lie and some shut the door on my face… inspite of having the rent agent with me… and most of the times, I did not like the house or the owners..

Someone asked me … if we partied, so the tenants could not party, could not drink, could not be loud… and on and on the list went…. oh yes… but in non vegetarianism, fish was not allowed because it smelled but meat was allowed…

I was going :O and :O but again the eternal optimist in me did not give up…. what finally bowled me over was this experience…. this killed my optimism…

So the agent had fixed a home in Old Airport Road, a nice house.. and nice owner… I loved the locality… it was sporadically populated.. Bangalore was green at that point of time… So we went ahead and reached as per the appointment with the agent and the owner was very kind.. and let us in, and then started the whole discussion… it was a first floor so no problem.. with vegetarianism, no problem with late nights, etc and so on… and out of curiosity he asked where I was from… even though i was conversing with him in broken Kannada.. ( to connect) he wanted to know my roots… I guess… 🙂

I innocently and quite proudly told him I was from Shillong.. and my ancestral home was in Assam. So effectively you can say I am from Assam…

There was a pause….  and I waited… a long pause… I waited… and had this sinking feeling that he did not like this….

And his rant started…

Landlord : Oh Aiyyoo… you are from Assam… what ma ? You did not tell me that before..

( I was thinking… “you did not ask ??” )

Landlord : looking at the agent, gave him a long firing in Kannada, the gist of which was how dare you bring someone like this to my house…  the agent of course was more perplexed..

ME :  Ahem, Sir may I ask what is the problem.. ?

Landlord : Problemaaa ??… Aiyoooo ( holding his head) … tch tch tch…

ME : Still waiting….  again with the deeper sinking feeling…

Landlord : Still nodding… he finally said… you know people from Assam… they have  guns… they are terrorists… Are you a terrorist… ?

ME : GAWK and double GAWK…. what… !!!!!! !@&#$&

( I was thinking and I still remember this thought. If i was a terrorist, would I come to his house and proclaim that ??  DUH… I mean I know people did not know the Assamese folks and I have been called a cannibal, living in tree houses, and all that stuff which I took quite sportingly since we out there also thought all south indians are madrasis… how silly )

Landlord : ( Before I could answer) … no no… you will keep guns and you will shoot me and my family… so much danger I cannot take… so much risk… Aiyooo paaa paa… Aiyooooo

ME: I got up…. its alright… thank you…

Landlord : Aiyoo no no no…. . and to the agent, he went on blasting him… LOLOLOL I pitied the agent…

I took off in a hurry, telling the agent… I will contact him later… leaving him with the befuddled and scared owner…

And it affirmed my opinion, that I was not the only crazy one out there… LOLOLOL… I could have very good friends… LOLOLOL…

And I did get a very good house on rent… and I moved 2 houses… and all were very good owners… so you do have them good you know… just saying…. you just need to really get lucky to get them…. LOLOLOL

dedh-ishqiya-film-characters-poster_138388034500Poetry is like butter for the soul…. it wraps around me and lulls me into a dream.

Such was the music and the poem in the movie… just loved the whole treatment of the story..

One of the most beautiful expression of love…

Na bolu main to, kaleja phoonke..
Na bolu main to, kaleja phoonke..
Jo bol doon to zabaan jale hai..

Sulag na jaave agar sune wo..
Sulag na jaave agar sune wo..
Jo baat meri zabaan tale hai..
Na bolu main to, kaleja phoonke..
Jo bol doon to zabaan jale hai..

Lage to phir yoon ke rog laage
Na saans aave, na saans jaave..
Yeh ishq hai naamuraad aisa..
Yeh ishq hai naamuraad aisa..
Ke jaan leve tabhi tale hai..

Hamari haalat pe kitta rove hai
Aasmaan bhi tu dekh leejo..
Ke soorkh ho jaave uski aankhein..
Ke soorkh ho jaave uski aankhein..
Jaise jaise yeh dil dhale hai..

Na bolu main to kaleja phoonke
Jo bol doon to zabaan jale hai..

In the search for some essential keys, I have started a unique journey and it has been the most enlightening, leaving behind more questions than answers and the soul hungers for more… answers…

And walking I am… with a new sense of belief that this is going to be a very important journey of my life… through my past lives.. 🙂

cholebatura1-desbantuOh and did I tell you my new found favorite : Chole Bhature…. 😛

God knows why… but there you go… I am a sucker for this dish… dont know how long this will last but for now… I love chole bhature… 🙂

walking_in_mayo-01

This is a constant phase of evolutionary game that I have to play with myself. The search for peace within oneself…

Sometimes, when one has a set of experience, one sorts that out and one thinks that one has completed a cycle but well surprise surprise, it keeps coming back at you, testing your lessons learned.

I for one, was always not very comfortable with exams but it seems the past few years, tests and exams and lessons have become by best friend.. and yeah I chose to flow with the flow and learn by tasks well.

At the point of acute cornering, acute blame, acute accusations, acute misjudgements, acute rejection, out comes with all the lessons of compassion and tolerance towards all and thus flows the river of love and acceptance of self…

Oh but did I tell you about the anger… that happens before you get to the acceptance and the tolerance bit.

That is a very interesting phase… one which can actually jerk your very foundation and turn you into a very judgmental soul (saying this with lot of shame) … but its like one of the self tests… once you wade through it and find the light at the end of the red river of anger… and mistrust and frustration, you definitely know ( as you knew earlier and yet you forgot) that all of life in this physical body is just an experience and you need to get a grip on the reaction,….. maybe go into a slow motion bit… helped me to see the many helping hands that took me out of the narrow self loathing perspective… 🙂

So yes the tigress is still licking her wounds but will wear her battle scars with dignity, like a beautiful tatoo which will remind me of the lessons and going slow on the reaction… specially to judge…

I cannot control what others think of me, but I can choose to live the positive way… in control of  my reactions…

So yes, am walking the path to reacquaint myself with inner peace… and attract all that I choose to have in my physical life….

Still need to figure out my zero tolerance to injustice, misconduct and lies… and get a grip on that… ( god knows how) … I wait in patience  and silence to learn from within myself from my guides…

Picture credit : http://www.mylifeatfullspeed.com/page/2/

Picture credit : http://www.mylifeatfullspeed.com/page/2/

I love picking up inspirational posts or content from wherever I can… anything that puts me in a positive frame of mind always makes me more grounded and focussed on what I need to do NOW, not forget who I need to be NOW and how I need to proceed further…

Considering all the lemons that are being thrown at me in many ways… I think I love being surrounded by the reiterating force of life that says not to give up and to keep going… no matter what…

So be it the immense love shared between my two birds, the resilience of my fishes, the very good team members who show they care for me in very many ways… like coming by and provide me with moral support in many ways, I think I have the best team till date and I treasure each one of you… souls who have been walking with me.. and it always humbles me to see the way they take care of me… sometimes without them knowing it… , The lady at the cafeteria, who makes these awesome bhajjis and who I spend time talking to and enjoy listening to her stories… as well…. she even makes me special food when no one is looking…. hahahah 🙂 how I appreciate that… even the Security guy who always smiles at me… and gives me a smart good morning everyday…. I always, find myself wanting to be frozen in moments and then capture all the powerful vibrations and its like medicine for the soul… to be reborn every morning with the right dose of groundedness and faith… I keep telling myself how blessed I am….

So yes I am still struggling with accepting of humiliation to the self by certain entities, who I think are ignorant and really don’t know what they are saying or doing, … I am figuring out how to address this without any judgement…  and I am sure there is a lesson somewhere … still searching the meaning or the logic… ok I get the logic… I need to learn humility and more patience I guess… but I think I need to see the Buddha in the soul that given a chance, has decided to rub my nose in the ground with irrelevant demands… and yeah.. maybe my elastic limit has just reached its limit… 🙂 If a soul thinks I am an idiot and treats me like one, I guess I need to behave like one… to see how it feels to be an idiot… ( hahahah ) [maybe thats the lesson, what it is to be an idiot, what it is to be enslaved and what it is to be degraded, so that I can stand for similar souls in the future (i thought I had fought my share of this off not sometime back)

Having said that, I stretch my patience and respect for myself… by trying to ignore… the mud… and see through it…

Having that in my mind, this gave me lot of inspiration, and it echoed in me as I have been subconsciously thinking on these lines and having it seen written in such succinct points just made me post this.. 🙂

This content is courtesy Marc and Angel Hack Life ,Practical Tips for Productive Living

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

  1. Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

  2. Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them.  Problems will not disappear unless you take action.  Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done.  It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch.  These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

  3. Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.  Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become.  Be honest with every aspect of your life, always.  Because you are the one person you can forever count on.  Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are.  Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.  Read The Road Less Traveled.

  4. Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter.  If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself.  Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you.  And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

  5. Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are.  Be yourself.  Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else.  Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms.  Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

  6. Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle.  Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future.  Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past.  Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening.  Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

  7. Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress.  If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning.  Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again.  Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving.  Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures.  One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

  8. Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?  The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  You must love who you are or no one else will.

  9. Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc.  Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind.  You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now.  So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

  10. Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out.  Smile because you can.  Choose happiness.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow.  Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it.  If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it.  But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.

  11. Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Most of the time you just have to go for it!  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.

  12. Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready!  Think about it.  You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward.  So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

  13. Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be.  Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment.  And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

  14. Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made.  People and priorities change.  As some relationships fade others will grow.  Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

  15. Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time.  You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself.  You are competing to be the best you can be.  Aim to break your own personal records.

  16. Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them.  Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

  17. Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope.  Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times.  And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right.  Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

  18. Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others.  And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go.  Forgiveness is the remedy.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

  19. Start helping those around you. – Care about people.  Guide them if you know a better way.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.

  20. Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition.  Be true to yourself.  Say what you need to say.  Do what you know in your heart is right.

  21. Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.– Slow down.  Breathe.  Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose.  When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity.  These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

  22. Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day.  Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner.  Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.

  23. Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’  One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are.  Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal.  No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

  24. Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen.  Get out there and DO something!  The harder you work the luckier you will become.  While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it.  By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

  25. Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it.  Talk to those closest to you.  Tell them the truth about how you feel.  Let them listen.  The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

  26. Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them.  Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will.  And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own.  You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life.  And no, it won’t always be easy.  Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them.  But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles.  Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

  27. Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.  Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

  28. Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something.  Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.

  29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward.  No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things.  Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.  Read The How of Happiness.

  30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.”  Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You didn’t go to sleep outside.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning.  You hardly broke a sweat today.  You didn’t spend a minute in fear.  You have access to clean drinking water.  You have access to medical care.  You have access to the Internet.  You can read.  Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.